Since 1977, have you ever had sex with a man?

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

thumbnail

from my memoir, “The Gay Road Less Traveled” available on Amazon

Since 1977, Have You Ever Had Sex With a Man?

“Human – the Pretenders”

Fort Lauderdale 2012

My money is low; my spending habits are out of control, and like Dan Le Batard, my budgetary skills are Highly Questionable. One Monday, my office was off work for Labor Day, so I took the initiative to go sell some plasma. Let me first say that I was tested for HIV and had a full workup in late October of this year. I always practice safe sex (if and when the opportunity, and dick, should arise). For some reason, I am being very Picky? Selective? Virtuous? since moving to south Florida. Apart from being a little out of shape, I am glad to report that I’m in good health.

The plasma center makes you jump through some hoops, yo. After I gave them some blood to be tested and had a physical exam, I was asked to complete a questionnaire of 53 questions, which I took in a computer cubicle. Here is one of the questions posed:

Since 1977, have you ever had sex with another man? This would include:

A) Oral sex, either giving or receiving, mouth to genitals or mouth to anus.

B) Anal sex, either giving or receiving.

Quickly, I checked No, all the way down the page. I would like to say that I did it in protest of the prejudice, hypocrisy, and double standards for all proud, politically conscious and oppressed gay people, but my mind was on them ends, stacks, scrilla, duckets, ya heard?

I finish my homophobic exam and return to the lobby. My blood test comes back clean, of course, and I am led to the donation room. People are lying on hospital beds with tubes in their arms, squeezing, pumping out blood that plasma is then extracted from. The blood is then pumped back into the person.

The center has a somewhat urban feel to it. The worker (Shaquana) is charged with sticking me with the needle. She looks about 12 years old, but is in fact telling everyone that it’s her birthday, she is turning 19. Since I am right-handed, I request that my left arm be used for the donation.

Shaquana: You ready?

Me: Nods

Shaquana: Pokes/stabs/impales

Shaquana: Uh-Oh.

I look down at my arm; the skin has blown/bubbled up about the size of a golf ball.

Shaquana: Okay, this is what had happened, I put it in the right way, see it went in the vein, just not far enough. It’s gonna bruise. Also, we have to use the other arm now.

Shaquana (to her supervisor): Could you please come do this for me? He’s real mad, I can tell. My ears feel hot and tingly, they are doubtless bright red, and my little eye starts twitchin

The supervisor comes over, changes the prop pillow to my right arm, quickly and efficiently inserts the needle, and starts the machine to pumping.

Shaquana: My bad.

An hour later, my plasma bottle is full, and another worker unhooks me. Shaquana has smartly kept her distance. I am free to go, with $50 on a debit card.

I am forced to wear long sleeve shirts all week. It’s Saturday night, and I have bruises like a heroin junkie on both arms, one small bruise…one big-ass Shaquana bruise. I might have to go back to workin’ the corner of West Las Olas and Broward again, thanks Shaquana, you wildly unprofessional teenager who shouldn’t be in charge of needles!

The Gay Road Less Traveled

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

IMG_20190823_201840_374_kindlephoto-23766619

Feeling sad, lonely, bored, horny? Social distancing got you feeling down? For the funny, the drama, the hot sex scenes, and a glimpse into my altruistic charitable work with old white men throughout the USA, go buy my book on Amazon asap!

John’s Favorite 1990’s Movies

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1990: Pretty Woman I always dreamed of Richard Gere, (or some other generic salt-and-pepper daddy), to sweep me off my feet and carry me away.

1991: My Own Private Idaho

1992: Fried Green Tomatoes

1993: What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

1994: Fresh Superbly well-written and acted, a chess prodigy making real-life moves to save his and his sister’s lives

1995: Pulp Fiction

1996: Fargo

1997: The Ice Storm “The Ice Storm is about two dysfunctional New Canaan, Connecticut, upper-class families who are trying to deal with tumultuous social changes of the early 1970’s, and their escapism through alcohol, adultery, and sexual experimentation.” *starring one of my earliest, longest lasting crushes: Henry Czerny

1998: As Good as it Gets

1999: Shakespeare in Love

1996: Basquiat My most honorable mention and my favorite modern artist, with David Bowie as Andy Warhol

Other favorites: The Object of My Affection, The Joy Luck Club, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Grace of My Heart, (I was in love with Bruce Davison, right along with Illeana Douglas), Corrina, Corrina, White Men Can’t Jump, Crooklyn, Sabrina, Reality Bites, Poetic Justice, Muriel’s Wedding

Johnny’s Favorite Songs of 2018

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

For me, music in 2018 was about two things…

1. Collaborations : Elton John & Young Thug, A$AP Rocky & Moby, Nicki Minaj & Takashi 6ix9ine, Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper, Drake & EVERYBODY

2. That hook, yo: “Brand new whip got no keys
Tailor my clothes, no starch please
Soon as I nut, you can gon’ leave
Got M’s in the bank, like “Yes, indeed”

“Pussy got that wet, wet, got that drip, drip
Got that Super Soaker, hit that, she a Fefe
Her name Keke, she eat my dick like it’s free, free
I don’t even know like “Why I did that?”

“I still see your shadows in my room
Can’t take back the love that I gave you
It’s to the point where I love and I hate you
And I cannot change you so I must replace you”

  1. NICE FOR WHAT – DRAKE feat BIG FREEDIA & 5th WARD WEEBIE With 12 hit singles, Scorpion was fire in 2018! Nice for What is the bright shining star of the album. It had strippers twerkin’ all around the world this summer. Shout-out to Nawlins royalty Big Freedia.

2. YES INDEED – DRAKE feat LIL BABY Drake is Drake on this track, a solid spit, but Lil Baby stole the show. His hook and delivery are so on point/different/lyrical, a Star is Born!

3. FREEBIRD II – PARQUET COURTS From hip-hop to what I will describe as classic 70’s Southern Rock in 2018, think Creedence Clearwater Revival or the Doobie Brothers

4. BOO’D UP – ELLA MAI The anthem for sisters everywhere this year, Ella singing excitedly about her significant other who she is head over heels in love with, that bitch #lonely #allmenaredogs

5. LUCID DREAMS – JUICE WRLD Lucid Dreams didn’t initially impress me, instead, it grew on me over time, a slow burn, turned out to be a uniquely different quality song.

6. AFRICA – WEEZER Everything old is new again…wish I was. Toto’s version is one of my favorite all-time songs, a fond memory from childhood, and while Weezer’s cover isn’t the original, it’s still good #1982

7. MY QUEEN IS HARRIET TUBMAN – SONS OF KEMET Takes me back to the beloved Big Easy, shades of Kermit Ruffins or “Skokiaan” by Louis Armstrong.

8. MAKE ME FEEL -JANELLE MONAE A tribute to Prince, and it has that cool vibe, very Erotic City-ish

9. CHUN-LI -NICKI MINAJ Although she hasn’t gone down without a fight, Nicki’s reign as the Queen of Hip-Hop is over. Chun-Li is catchy, crisp, and lyrical, a solid goodbye track for the end of an era.

10. SHALLOW – LADY GAGA & BRADLEY COOPER “I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I’ll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface, where they can’t hurt us
We’re far from the shallow now”

11. POWERGLIDE – RAE SRUMMOND Super catchy follow-up to Black Beatles, on my 2017 Favorites list

12. BAD AT LOVE – HALSEY “Got a boy back home in Michigan
And it tastes like Jack when I’m kissing him
So I told him that I never really liked his friends
Now he’s gone and he’s calling me a bitch again
There’s a guy that lives in a garden state
And he told me that we make it ’til we graduate
So I told him the music would be worth the wait
But he wants me in the kitchen with a dinner plate”

13. MO BAMBA – SHECK WES Shout out to Mo Bamba in Orlando, yo!

14. HIGH – YOUNG THUG feat ELTON JOHN When I think hip-hop, I think Elton John, ya heard?

15, 1950 – KING PRINCESS She sounds a lot like Lorde, and she’s a lesbian, which is cool #gaypride

16. MINE – BAZZI A cute/catchy little song by a tween heart-throb, if that’s your type…not mine #daddyissues

17. A$AP FOREVER – A$AP ROCKY feat Moby “Porcelain” is one of my all-time favorite songs, and I love how it’s sampled here, but truthfully, this song is good but would have been fire if A$AP’s verses were better

18. ANNA WINTOUR – AZEALIA BANKS 212 was such a delightfully fun dance track, and while I think Ms, Banks uses the same beat for Anna Wintour, not quite as magical, but still pretty good…with her crazy-ass, everybody hates you Azealia!

19. FLEA MARKET – TIERRA WHACK With Nicki Minaj on the way out, Cardi B overplayed and under-talented, and Remy Ma seemingly without quality tracks (she is a true rapper/can spit fire), maybe the super-talented Tierra Whack can seize the crown?

20. WOMP WOMP – VALEE feat JEREMIH “Womp, womp, she give me what I wanna
Ball so hard, need a warm up, I bagged her at the Walmart (yeah)
Big timer, stunna, I’m out here on the come up
I beat the pussy, drummer, I roll up, no more drama (yeah)”

21. MIKA DORA – AMEN DUNES Introducing Amen Dunes, a talented singer comparable to John Mayer (but not a douchebag like John)

22. SICKO MODE – TRAVIS SCOTT feat DRAKE “Had me out like a light”

23. NON-STOP -DRAKE

My favorite Dance tracks of 2018

PICK-UP – DJ KOZE feat GLADYS KNIGHT

HAPPIER – MARSHMELLO feat BASTILLE

IS IT COLD IN THE WATER? – SOPHIE

Menagerie – Rachel Vincent

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

18350798

A compelling, awesome, unique and imaginative story…so different it’s hard to explain, fantastically good!

“There there is breathtaking beauty behind the seamy and grotesque reality of the carnival. Gallagher, her handler, is as kind as he is cryptic and strong. The other “attractions”—mermaids, minotaurs, griffins and kelpies—are strange, yes, but they share a bond forged by the brutal realities of captivity. And as Delilah struggles for her freedom, and for her fellow menagerie, she’ll discover a strength and a purpose she never knew existed.”

“Welcome to the menagerie, where beauty and grace shine from every cage and peek from every shadow. You’ve never seen anything like the exotic wonders within, so keep your eyes open, ladies and gentlemen, because in our world of spectacle and illusion, what you see isn’t always what you get.”

“But if monsters could look like humans, and humans could look like monsters, how could anyone ever really be sure that the right people stood on the outside of all those cages?”

“Drea, why don’t you turn a circle and give us a good look?” the talker said, his chest all puffed out, as if he’d had something to do with making me perform.

“Fuck you,” I said, nice and clear, in spite of my fuller voice, so everyone could hear.

A couple of teens near the back of the crowd laughed, but the mothers scowled and covered their children’s ears.

“Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen,” the talker called with an amiable chuckle. “Most of our exhibits were born and raised in the carnival, and they hear a lot of rough language.”

“Most of our handlers are full of shit,” I added, drawing more laughter from the back of the crowd. “I learned to cuss the same place all of your kids did. In middle school.”

“A wolf will growl to warn you that it’s angry and a bull will paw the ground before charging. Rattlesnakes rattle, cats moan and hiss, and hyenas grunt and cackle. But a man will smile right in your face as he drives a knife into your heart.”

“If you cut off my hands, I’ll write with my feet, and if you cut off my feet, I’ll write with my nose, and if you cut that off, you may as well cut my whole head off, because no matter how you slice and dice me, you can’t control what I think, or what I feel. You can keep me locked up for the rest of my life, however brief that may be. But you will never, ever own me.”

“She won’t serve her dish cold,” the oracle mumbled, almost with giddy joy as chill bumps rose all over her skin. “And two graves won’t be near enough…”

The Bird Box – Josh Malerman

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

bird-box-special-edition-cover

I finished this fantastic book last night, and like great books often do, I was wound-up tight and then in tears as the final scene unfolded. So good, different, unique! The Bird Box movie is coming out in late 2018, with Sarah Paulsen, John Malkovich, and Machine Gun Kelly, starring Sandra Bullock as Malorie, but read the book first! Josh Malerman’s descriptive writing style shakes the reader’s visual imagination by introducing us to a  dangerous and challenging new world.

“How can she expect her children to dream as big as the stars if they can’t lift their heads to gaze upon them?”

“You can smell it, too. Death. Dying. Decay. The sky is falling, the sky is dying, the sky is dead.”

“Robin was a great kid. Smarter than her father at eight years old. She liked the oddest things. Like the instructions for a toy more than the toy itself. The credits of a movie instead of the movie. The way something was written. An expression on my face. Once she told me I looked like the sun to her, because of my hair. I asked her if I shined like the sun, and she told me, ‘No, Daddy, you shine more like the moon, when it’s dark outside.”

“You are saving their lives for a life not living.”

“It’s better to face madness with a plan than to sit still and let it take you in pieces.”

birdbox2

Pose

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I love, love, love this show! Ryan Murphy (American Horror Story) introduces us to “An LGBTQ community that expressed glamorous creativity by staging elaborate and defiant spectacles of fashion, dancing, and exquisitely pointed wit, where like-minded people found each other, built communities as distinctive “houses,” and, more powerfully still, choose each other as family.” House Jernigan, serving fishy realness, hunty!

 

 

Dog Food Diet?

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

m

From my memoir “The Gay Road Less Traveled” Please go buy a copy on Amazon!

“I texted him to tell him I didn’t really eat dog food, but that’s a crazy sentence to send to somebody. The worst part is that he was popular and had lots of friends in Fort Lauderdale and Miami, now they all think I eat dog food.”

New Orleans 1997

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

IMG_0001 - Copy

an excerpt from my memoir “The Gay Road Less Traveled”

New Orleans 1997
Dear Diary, we lost Princess Diana this year. At Halloween, lots of the drag queens in New Orleans honored her by dressing up as the beloved princess, that’s what I initially thought, but as I looked closer at their outfits, all of them had blood and tire tracks on their dresses, and one queen had a steering wheel around her neck!

 

l

 

 

 

 

 

Johnny’s Favorite Songs of 2017

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

  1. EVERYTHING NOW – ARCADE FIRE (Scroll to 46 seconds on this video to start of song) My fav song of the year, a mashup that sounds like the Hustle from the 70’s, gayest Erasure, OMD, add a dash of hipster irony…You’ve Got Everything Now!!!

2. RUNNIN’ -NAUGHTY BOY featuring BEYONCE A super catchy and addictive little song that I played over and over again this year. It first caught my ear in a Chanel commercial with Kirsten Stewart (Runnin’)

3. WALK ON WATER – EMINEM featuring BEYONCE Although she’s featured in two of my three favorite songs of the year, I’m not a big Beyonce fan, her vocal talent is unquestioned, she’s just not very smart and lacks personality.

4. BAD & BOUJEE – MIGOS featuring LIL UZI VERT Ahh, Migos, you were the bright shining stars of 2017, although nobody could understand what you were saying! I fear that like a falling star, Migos’ hotness will soon cool, and they will fade away

5. FEEL IT STILL – PORTUGAL THE MAN

6. BODAK YELLOW – CARDI B Since being introduced to Cardi on Love & Hip Hop NY , I have loved Cardi’s ratchetness and ghetto fabulous sense of humor (when she started making money she wanted to get her teeth fixed, but she was scared, because she was worried she wouldn’t be able to suck dick as good)

7. HOW FAR I’LL GO/MOANA – ALESSIA CARA A lovely little song for little girls and gay men everywhere

8. BLACK BEATLES – RAE SRUMMOND

9. DOWN – MARIAN HILL

 

10. BAD AT LOVE – HALSEY I knew Halsey before she blew up and kinda sold out, she is a unique and talented singer who I predict will have a long and successful career (unlike Migos or Cardi B). Check out her guest appearance on Roadies, when Machine Gun Kelly kind of falls in love with her

11. MASK OFF – FUTURE “Percocets, Molly, Percocets” “Chase a Bitch, Never Chase a Bitch”

12. SIGN OF THE TIMES -HARRY STYLES

13. THUNDER -IMAGINE DRAGONS

14. HAVANA -CAMILLA CABELLO featuring YOUNG THUG Like Beyonce did with Destiny’s Child, Camilla done told the rest of Fifth Harmony Good Day!

15. CASTLE ON THE HILL – ED SHEERAN

16. LEMON – NERD featuring RIHANNA

17. MAGNOLIA – PLAYBOY CARTI

18. (NO ONE KNOWS) LIKE THE PIANO – SAMPHA

19. NO LIMIT – G-EAZY featuring ASAP ROCKY & CARDI B

20. COLD LITTLE HEART – MICHAEL KIWANUKA Theme song of Big Little Lies, a great show on HBO

21. NEW YORK – ST VINCENT

22. THIRD OF MAY/ODAIGAHARA – FLEET FOXES

23. PA’LANTE – HURRAY FOR THE RIFFRAFF

24. I GET THE BAG -GUCCI MANE featuring MIGOS

25. ROCKSTAR – POST MALONE featuring 21 SAVAGE

TESTIFY – HIFI SEAN featuring CRYSTAL WATERS My most loved dance track this year, Crystal Waters has performed at least six or seven times at circuit party events I’ve attended over the years, and I have floated high as a kite countless times on the dance floor to this diva of the gay community’s songs!

“Now take me to your river
And lay me in your water
And preach to me
Tell me why I need your love
Why I got to have your love
Justify your love”

Lowered Expectations

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have half-way fallen in love with someone I met online, the idea of him anyway…a guy I can’t even convince to come to Massachusetts. I always thought I was someone to be cherished, that one day my knight in shining armor would find me, like Richard Gere came for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (without the prostitution). My Texan/Virginian/Arizonian hoped-for savior has gone silent, and I’ve cried through Thanksgiving, with only a cold and miserable New England winter to look forward to.

 

Chronic Childhood Trauma

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

My class curriculum includes considerable time spent on trauma-informed care and helping my prospective adoptive families succeed in parenting children who have suffered abuse or neglect. I use the example of a Bear in the Woods (at the 8-minute mark in this Ted Talk video on Childhood Trauma by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris).

Significant damage to the emotional and physical health of children who are exposed to high levels of adversity/trauma occurs over time (chronic trauma). They are more likely to engage in high-risk behavior, and to develop heart disease or cancer. Our brains have a stress response system, in the hypothalamic and adrenal glands, that governs our fight or flight response in a situation. Imagine you’re walking in the forest and you see a bear. Immediately, your brain sends a response to your adrenal glands: Release stress hormones! Adrenal! Cortisol! Your heart starts to pound, your pupils dilate, your airways open up, and you are ready to either fight that bear or run from that bear! And that is wonderful, if you are in the forest, with a bear. The problem is what happens when the bear comes home every night, in the form of domestic violence, or physical abuse, or molestation. This system is activated over and over and over again, and it goes from being life-saving to health damaging. Children are especially sensitive to this repeated stress-activation, because their brains and bodies are just developing. High doses of adversity affect their brain structure and function, their developing immune systems and hormonal systems.

Okja

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

This movie wore me out tonight, definitely Not a kid’s movie. Lots of fun times shared early on, but it gets super dark and stressful toward the end. Described as “Blending heavy violence with clownish satire, the movie takes shots at factory farming, capitalist exploitation and PR-friendly mindful consumerism.” There is a horrible slaughterhouse scene toward the end. A review I read said it is making people become vegan (not me though). Super great performances by Tilda Swinton and Jake Gyllenhaal and the cute little Korean girl and Okja the Super Pig…but I know I am going to have stress dreams tonight. This movie is deepasf