, , , ,

There is a guy out there that I am completely crazy about. A few weeks ago I found myself right next to him at somewhere, my ears turned bright red, I stuttered a goodbye and made a hasty exit. I am most certain that my loneliness and the lack of any affection for me by anyone (human) are causing this crush, oh well. This guy is near but far, unattainable, belonging to someone else. Even if he were single, I look and feel so ugly and sad that he likely wouldn’t want me anyway. I’ve talked to him a time or two, and he has an inkling of  how utterly cute and kissable I think he is. I did in fact attempt to kiss him once, which he refused by ducking away from me and then leaving. That embarrassment was attempted back when I still had a little self-confidence and felt I was someone special enough to obtain a kiss if I wanted one, from this guy or anyone. What’s funny is that NO ONE knows anything about him from me, I haven’t really made any friends here and so sadly have no one to confide in. Recently I saw this guy, just for a moment, walking with his friends. I allowed myself to think how great it would be to have this guy’s affection, to have someone, to be happy and in love, but it’s not to be. I want this guy to know that in the middle of this horrible depression I’m in, picturing  his little face, how cute he is, the overall idea of him…they have been small, good things that I hold onto when things get really dark. If I could continue to carry my torch and admire him from afar I would be grateful. In this guy I see  who I would want as my partner, if only I weren’t so ugly and broken.