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A Little Christmas Shit

An excerpt from my book, The Gay Road Less Traveled, available on Amazon’s Kindle.

Johnny wakes up and runs to the living room to see his gifts. The entire couch is covered with toys, there are some more on the floor and he has a huge stocking full of candy. He sees Stretch Armstrong and his nemesis, Stretch Monster, a big Godzilla-like monster, the Millennium Falcon, the Death Star, every Star Wars figure out, a Rubik’s cube, a Magna Doodle, a Sony Walkman, a Legoland space ship, all of the Superfriends, the Hall of Justice and the Legion of Doom, G.I. Joe, and of course Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Aquaman and Shazam underoos. Johnny looks at all of his presents, not realizing his mother makes $6000 a year as a teacher’s aide, that his grandparents are on a fixed income or that there is approximately $400 worth of toys in front of him. Johnny doesn’t realize how much he will cherish these toys in the next year (Stretch was his constant companion, until he starting leaking gross gel from his stomach, and his life-long loves of R2D2 and Chewbacca were born on this early morning). Like the honey badger, Johnny don’t care. He looks at all of his toys and candy, with his mother and Granny standing there all happy and proud, and says “This is it? This is all I get?” Johnny stamps his feet and shakes his head, No, crosses his arms and starts to whine about the unfairness of it all.
Johnny’s mother starts to cry. Johnny’s Granny curses, then goes and smokes one of his grandfather’s cigarettes on the back porch, muttering something about a “bag of switches.” Johnny settles in to play with all of his fantastic toys, clueless, oblivious, spoiled rotten and ruint, while his mother cries and his Granny talks herself down from committing some child abuse.