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The Gay Road Less Traveled

The Gay Road Less Traveled

Tag Archives: Christmas

A Wonderful Christmas Gift

29 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by johnjernigan in My Favorite Things, My Heart

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adoption, celebration, Christmas, gay, happiness, love, perspective, point of view, social worker, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay

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I had the honor of finalizing this awesome teenager’s adoption today! He’s such a polite and well mannered and sweet young man, who always has a smile on his face. Now it’s a Merry Christmas ! (and they lived happily ever after).

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Damn Kids

21 Tuesday Jan 2014

Tags

buy John's book on Amazon, Christmas, culture, favorites, funny, gay, humor, jokes, LGBT, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay

Damn Kids

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Favorite Things

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A Little Christmas Shit

11 Saturday Jan 2014

Tags

authors, book reviews, books, Christmas, dating, dogs, ebooks, fort lauderdale, funny, gay, humor, Lesbian, LGBT, love, memoirs, new orleans, pets, relationships, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay

A Little Christmas Shit

An excerpt from my book, The Gay Road Less Traveled, available on Amazon’s Kindle.

Johnny wakes up and runs to the living room to see his gifts. The entire couch is covered with toys, there are some more on the floor and he has a huge stocking full of candy. He sees Stretch Armstrong and his nemesis, Stretch Monster, a big Godzilla-like monster, the Millennium Falcon, the Death Star, every Star Wars figure out, a Rubik’s cube, a Magna Doodle, a Sony Walkman, a Legoland space ship, all of the Superfriends, the Hall of Justice and the Legion of Doom, G.I. Joe, and of course Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Aquaman and Shazam underoos. Johnny looks at all of his presents, not realizing his mother makes $6000 a year as a teacher’s aide, that his grandparents are on a fixed income or that there is approximately $400 worth of toys in front of him. Johnny doesn’t realize how much he will cherish these toys in the next year (Stretch was his constant companion, until he starting leaking gross gel from his stomach, and his life-long loves of R2D2 and Chewbacca were born on this early morning). Like the honey badger, Johnny don’t care. He looks at all of his toys and candy, with his mother and Granny standing there all happy and proud, and says “This is it? This is all I get?” Johnny stamps his feet and shakes his head, No, crosses his arms and starts to whine about the unfairness of it all.
 
Johnny’s mother starts to cry. Johnny’s Granny curses, then goes and smokes one of his grandfather’s cigarettes on the back porch, muttering something about a “bag of switches.” Johnny settles in to play with all of his fantastic toys, clueless, oblivious, spoiled rotten and ruint, while his mother cries and his Granny talks herself down from committing some child abuse.

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Books Check 'Em Out

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Basquiat for Christmas

28 Saturday Dec 2013

Tags

Andy Warhol, art, Basquiat, Christmas, culture, gay, inspirational, Jean-Michel Basquiat, LGBT, modern art, outsider art, pop art, pop culture

Basquiat for Christmas

My favorite Christmas gift, from a gentleman admirer, my love Jean Michel Basquiat’s coffee table book.

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Video

The Elf Movie, with Pugs

25 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in My Heart

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Tags

animals, Christmas, dogs, funny, gay, humor, movies, pets

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Peppermint Glory Hole

24 Tuesday Dec 2013

Tags

Christmas, culture, elf, funny, gay, gay blog, glory hole, humor, john jernigan, jokes, perspective, point of view, sex

Peppermint Glory Hole

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Video

Winter Song – Ingrid Michaelson & Sara Bareilles

24 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

Christmas, Christmas music, culture, dating, gay, gay blog, john jernigan, LGBT, love, perspective, point of view, relationships, Sara Bareilles, Tampa Bay

This is my winter song
December never felt so wrong
Cause you’re not where you belong
Inside my arms

This is my winter song to you
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea

My love a beacon in the night
My words will be your light
To carry you to me

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Same Old Lang Syne – Dan Fogelberg

24 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

Christmas, Christmas music, Dan Fogelberg, dating, gay, gay blog, john jernigan, LGBT, loneliness, love, point of view, relationships, Same Old Lang Syne

Just for a moment I was
back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make
my way back home
The snow turned into rain

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Video

2000 Miles – The Pretenders

24 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

2000 miles, Chrissy Hynde, Christmas, Christmas music, dating, gay, holidays, john jernigan, LGBT, love, music, relationships, the gay road less traveled, The Pretenders

He’s gone,
2000 miles,
Is very far.
The snows falling down.
It’s colder day by day.
I miss you.
The children were singing,
He’ll be back at Christmas time.
And these frozen and silent nights,
Sometimes in a dream,
You appear.
Outside under the purple sky,
Diamonds in the snow,
Sparkle.
Our hearts were singing,
It felt like Christmas time.
2000 miles.
Is very far through the snow
I’ll think of you
Wherever you go.

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Merry Christmas past

19 Thursday Dec 2013

Tags

Alabama, Birmingham, books, Christmas, culture, funny, gay, gay blog, holidays, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, new orleans, perspective, point of view, queer, Santa, star wars, stretch armstrong, superfriends

Merry Christmas past

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Teeth

19 Thursday Dec 2013

Tags

Ben South, Birmingham, child protection, Christmas, culture, dating, foster kids, gay, gay blog, inspirational, john jernigan, LGBT, loneliness, MSW, perspective, point of view, relationships, social work, Tampa Bay

Teeth

Today I took one of my teens to have her wisdom teeth removed. Normally this 15 year-old is a terror, she has a horrible temper and intentionally says fuck every other word because I once tried to admonish her on her language. On this day, she was quiet and sweet and scared. She wanted me to be in the room with her and she cried a little, and I held her hand and talked to her and calmed her down. In this last year I have horribly failed at dating or finding someone special or being the one that somebody is thinking about. As I drive my teenager back to her foster home (while she is taking selfies and pics of her teeth and posting them), I take some small comfort in knowing that there is something I am good at, my children like me, and I will always be an advocate for them. I just wish I could somehow use my social work skills to find someone to love me.

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Heart

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Video

I am this French bulldog :(

17 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Tags

Adele, boston terrier, Christmas, Cricket the French Bulldog, dating, dogs, french bulldog, gay, gay blog, humor, john jernigan, love, pets, relationships, sex, Someone Like You, Squeak the Boston Terrier

Christmas sux

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Loneliness

17 Tuesday Dec 2013

Tags

Birmingham, Christmas, dating, funny, gay, gay blog, humor, john jernigan, jokes, Kenneth Branagh, LGBT, love, queer, relationships, sex, Tampa Bay

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Heart

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Dear Santa

12 Thursday Dec 2013

Tags

Christmas, culture, Ellen Degeneres, funny, gay, gay blog, humor, inspirational, john jernigan, jokes, LGBT, perspective, point of view, Santa, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay

Dear Santa

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Heart

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Hypocritical Homosexual?

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Tags

Christmas, culture, dating, fort lauderdale, gay, gay culture, gay fort lauderdale, hookups, LGBT, perspective, point of view, sex, south Florida, wilton manors

Hypocritical Homosexual?

So I’ll all mad, pissed off because the guy in this pic won’t take me to dinner or out on an actual date…I am invited to his place for some adult fun, if I so desire. My problem is I don’t think I have the right to be mad at him or expect him to be something he’s not…I mean he sent me a butt-naked picture with Santa! and while I can’t exactly recall where we met on the interweb, it most assuredly wasn’t on a legitimate dating site (because those cost money $$$). Well it doesn’t appear that I’ll be enjoying some scallops and creme brulee this evening. Dude did let me know he was going to be at a bar later, if I wanted to meet him there…no thank you, good day!

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Mr. Right

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Video

Dan Fogelberg – Same Old Lang Syne

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

Christmas, Christmas music, Dan Fogelberg, dating, gay, john jernigan, relationships, Same Old Lang Syne

Just for a moment I was back at school
and felt that old familiar pain
and as I turned to make my way back home
the snow turned into rain

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All alone, no one to be with

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by johnjernigan in Mr. Right

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Tags

Christmas, Dan Fogelberg, dating, gay fort lauderdale, gay man, john jernigan, Same Old Lang Syne, Santa, singamajigs, south Florida, Toys-R-Us, uglydolls

Most of my holidays have been spent alone, my ex would usually be with his family and since none of them knew about me…I always liked going to Toys-R-Us or the mall on Christmas Eve, the energy and excitement of the crowds, children running and playing and happy, babies crying when they’re put in Santa’s lap, peace on earth and goodwill and all that crap… This evening I went to the Toy-R-Us on N. Federal hoping to find some comfort, or happiness, or optimism or something for myself. In years past I always knew what the trendiest and hottest toys were, in fact last year I bought myself two singamajigs. This year I really wanted an uglydoll or three, but due to budgetary constraints little Johnny isn’t getting anything. I had hoped my toy store trip would lift my spirits, instead my ears turn red, I want to cry, I wipe away a couple of tears and come home. I play Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne” over and over again on the way home. I so desperately want and need someone to love me and take care of me and be mine. I know that’s not fair or right to say…I should be trying to make myself happy, not looking for a man to save me and rescue me and validate me. That’s the problem, I’ve lost my way, not sure I can make me happy, I have lost my swagger and confidence…Is there someone out there for me? A sweet little fella to share Christmas with? Looks like ain’t no Christmas miracle happenin’ this year…ImageImageImage

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Santaland Diaries – David Sedaris

02 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by johnjernigan in Books Check 'Em Out

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Tags

Christmas, David Sedaris, fort lauderdale, Santaland Diaries

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“Twenty-two thousand people came to see Santa today, and not all of them are well-behaved.

Today, I witnessed fist fights and vomiting and magnificent tantrums. The back hallway was jammed with people. There was a line for Santa and a line for the women’s bathroom, and one woman, after asking me a thousand questions already asked, which is the line for the women’s bathroom? And I shouted that I thought it was the line with all the women in it. And she said, I’m going to have you fired. I had two people say that to me today, I’m going to have you fired. Go ahead, be my guest.

I’m wearing a green velvet costume. It doesn’t get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? I’m going to have you fired, and I want to lean over, and say I’m going to have you killed.” David Sedaris, on working as an Elf

“Today a child told Santa Ken that he wanted his dead father back AND a complete set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Everyone wants those Turtles.”

“These people were profoundly retarded. They were rolling their eyes and wagging their tongues and staggering toward Santa. It was a large group of retarded people and after watching them for a few minutes I could not begin to guess where the retarded people ended and the regular New Yorkers began. Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”

The story ends with yet another Santa being ushered into the workshop, but this one is different from the lecherous or drunken ones with whom he has had to work. This Santa actually seems to care about and love the children who come to see him, startling our hero into an uncharacteristic moment of goodwill just before his employment runs out.

 

 

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Little Christmas Angels…devils

02 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by johnjernigan in My Heart

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Tags

boston terrier, Christmas, fort lauderdale, french bulldog, Santa

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Christmas Gremlins

02 Sunday Dec 2012

Tags

boston terrier, Christmas, fort lauderdale, french bulldog, Santa

Christmas Gremlins

Cricket & Possum

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Heart

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C.L. Bolin Books & Art: When I get the chance, I love reading John Jernigan’s blog. I’m laughing, homesick, crying and peeing myself all at once.

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The Gay Road Less Traveled

A friend of mine who used to be one of the hard working under appreciated social workers for the State here in Pensacola has written a book now available on Kindle, John Jernigan’s “The Gay Road Less Traveled.” I purchased it tonight to start it, couldn’t out it down, it was so funny. Graphic, real, and hysterical, John’s writing is endearing, funny, smart and if you happen to be drinking coffee, it may shoot out of your nose at some point during one of his vignettes. You can read it on Kindle.

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