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The Gay Road Less Traveled

The Gay Road Less Traveled

Tag Archives: raccoons

Rascal – Sterling North

04 Saturday Mar 2017

Posted by johnjernigan in Books Check 'Em Out, Dogs is People Too, My Favorite Things, My Heart

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authors, books, children, dogs, french bulldog, gay, Nature, pets, raccoons, writers

imageRascal found for 25 cents at the thrift store! My endearing love of raccoons started with this favorite book from my childhood, in fact I named my 5th child Rascal (jostling with my Frenchie for camera time in the pics below)

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Farm Heroes & a Fat Raccoon

13 Friday Mar 2015

Posted by johnjernigan in introducing, My Favorite Things

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animals, best gay blog, cute, dogs, facebook games, Farm Heroes, funny, gay, john jernigan, lifestyle, love, pets, raccoons

My favorite facebook game and my favorite (wild) animal

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Flea Market Sunday

17 Sunday Aug 2014

Posted by johnjernigan in My Favorite Things, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Tags

animals, art, culture, flea market, funny, gay, humor, LGBT, queer, raccoons, second hand, Tampa Bay, Thrift Store, Wagon Wheel Flea Market

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My Wagon Wheel flea market purchases:

A raccoon $4
8 travel size and 1 regular toothpaste $3
dented tortilla Pringles 50 cents
hot cinnamon sugar almonds $3
canvas/painting in a good frame, to be provided to one of my emerging artists to paint over $5
CVS generic Tylenol 50 cents
Red sunglasses $1 (I think they Versace)

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Raccoons Are People Too

08 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by johnjernigan in My Favorite Things

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adoptions, animals, boston terrier, culture, dogs, french bulldog, funny, gay, humor, LGBT, love, pets, Plato's Closet, raccoons

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A co-worker and I took one of our teens clothes shopping at the Plato’s Closet in Palm Harbor.and OMG! I found me a raccoon t-shirt for $3!

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Once Upon a Time: A Raccoon Love Story…or tragedy

26 Monday May 2014

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@thejohnjernigan, buy John's book, depression, fairy tale, funny, gay, gay stereotypes, humor, LGBT, lifestyle, loneliness, love story, perspective, point of view, queer, raccoons, ratchet, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay, the Normal Heart, turnt up

Once Upon a Time: A Raccoon Love Story...or tragedy

One upon a time there were two raccoons who lived in Florida, in the woods near the beach. Neither raccoon was young, though they tried. For example, Rascal still wore silver gauges in his ears and used Just for Coon on his eyebrows, while Ren had little silver barbells in six of his nipples, and described his fur as being decidedly darker than it actually was in his online dating profiles.
Rascal and Ren were both clever, as most raccoons are, each in their own way. Rascal loved to read, and had a vivid imagination, and was something of a dreamer, while Ren was more grounded, more practical, and had extremely dexterous fingers. Ren could program computers and put together IKEA furniture and change a tire, all things that Rascal was hopelessly incapable of. Ren’s fingers were also magical in the bedroom, but this is a fairy tale for the cubs, so we will explore his legendary sexual prowess another time. Rascal and Ren were also lucky and grateful to be healthy, as they both have had friends, lovers and even litter-mates die from the scourge of the gay raccoon community, Rabies.
What brought these two clever fellows together was their loneliness. As you may have gleaned, both Rascal and Ren are known to be homosexuals, which is not as rare in the animal kingdom as you might think. Being cute and clever and vaguely masculine, Rascal and Ren never had any problems having the gay sex, in fact they were very popular in that regard, but something was always missing. I can’t speak for Ren, but for Rascal, all of the old coons trying to get into his fur had lost it’s luster, after a couple of decades anyway. He knew he was different, special, not a stereotype, he just desperately wanted someone to see him and understand him and all of his eccentricities.
Rascal was extremely excited and turnt up to meet Ren, because seemingly Ren was the not-same as him….in fact, Ren’s online profile stated: NOT A STEREOTYPE, so it must be true.
Over the next week Rascal’s need to be loved and his vivid imagination went kind of wild over Ren. He would sit and chitter softly to himself while washing his food for hours, thinking about Ren. He had both happy thoughts about finding a husband and naughty thoughts about Ren’s well-preserved body (Rascal was a little conflicted, because Ren had sent him a pic wearing only a tiny little speedo, both titillating but also troubling because the pic was taken out in the woods with other raccoons around).
Rascal possibly imagined Ren to be more than he is, but maybe not, maybe Ren is kind and smart and thoughtful and loving and patient (and Rascal realizes how important patience would be in his potential partner, remember he’s special). Rascal dreams about Ren most nights, and has happy endings…wet dream happy endings. Guess we’re not going to market this as a child’s fairy tale. To explain, Ren is so much on Rascal’s brain that he is dreaming about him at night, and in his dreams Ren is even more awesome (Rascal dreams big, both awake and asleep, and often climaxes). Ren has rescued Rascal and his mice (Stinky and Nugget) from Hurricane Katrina, wading out with a mouse under each arm. Ren has been Richard Gere as the knight in shining armor, rescuing Julia Roberts (Rascal) from her dingy apartment and riding err driving off into the sunset. Most recently, most vividly and most troubling, last night Ren gallantly gave Rascal something medically, a little fuzzy but Rascal remembers it being a bone marrow transplant or possibly a kidney…regardless, awesome sauce you is Ren!
Here is where our lovely fairy tale takes a turn that could devolve into a tragedy with no happy ending. Remember Ren is smart and clever and a little sneaky, so he got great news that he had been accepted into law school, yeah! Law school not in their shared woods, but over the river and through the woods and up the interstate to a more provincial wooded campus. Ren messages Rascal with his great news, but then his awesomeness kind of dissipates, as he explains that although he knows Rascal will be disappointed, he is sorry but school starts in August and he has to find a place to live and pack up and will be busy and his future plans no longer include Rascal. Rascal is confused, and sad, and angry.
Ren has been reckless with Rascal’s heart, and his goddamn imagination, and his Freudian wet dreams of rescue. Rascal is still imagining living happily ever after, of cubs, of Ren’s magical fingers, of love. Rascal watches the Normal Heart (mistake) and cries, either about the rabies epidemic or over Ren. Rascal talks himself through Ren’s position: Rascal has a nice almost new BMW, so making the drive to see his love would be no problem. There is cub abuse everywhere, and Rascal has a couple of degrees, so he knows he can be gainfully employed over there. Rascal is pretty sure that Ren doesn’t want to keep his options open for the chance at one of those country frat coons, after all he is at least thirty (30) years older than they are. Rascal doesn’t really have any family, and nothing to keep him in these woods. Rascal has imagined Ren to be all of these beautiful things, and thought/still thinks Ren is that person, complicated and discerning and layered…and that Ren has the same capacity to love and care about him that he has for Ren. Rascal wants the fairy tale, the happily ever after, the opportunity to get to know the real Ren, and love him forever…and they lived happily ever after?

Rascal’s online profiles always say he is “versatile” but we know what time it is, buddy.

PUBLISHED by catsmob.com

Ren was somewhat embarrassingly an amateur porn star in the late 80’s, including some inter-species videos 😦

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Rascal has had a long, sad, troubling relationship history with old white men, who plied him with liquor and crawfish and weed and stuff

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Rascal is an Adoptions worker, and here is the little nugget he and Ren adopted together, named Gator

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Heart, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood, the Flaming Homosexual

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I Bought a Raccoon

23 Sunday Mar 2014

Tags

animals, boston terrier, buy John's book on Amazon, Cricket the French Bulldog, cute, dating, dogs, french bulldog, funny, gay, LGBT, lifestyle, love, pets, queer, rabies, raccoons, Rascal the Raccoon, relationships, sex, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay, taxidermy

I Bought a Raccoon

Even though he cost me my entire savings ($57), I had to have Rascal when I saw him at the flea market. My life is complete.

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Favorite Things

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3 New Family Members, and a foot

20 Monday Jan 2014

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buy John's book on Amazon, culture, dating, flea market, funny, gay, humor, perspective, point of view, raccoons, relationships, sex, thrift stores, Webster flea market, yard sale

3 New Family Members, and a foot

My purchases from the Webster flea market today:

A clown rock, a big headed little naked doll, a raccoon carving, and a chicken hawk foot…all for $5.50 total

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Favorite Things

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The Webster Westside Flea Market

05 Thursday Sep 2013

Tags

Alabama, art, Aunt Jemima, culture, flea market, florida, funny, gay, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, Life, raccoons, racism, rebel flags, rednecks, Thrift Store

The Webster Westside Flea Market

This flea market had a lot of guns, rebel flags, and taxidermied animals…unfortunately they didn’t have the stuffed raccoon I’m still looking for. I didn’t buy anything, except for a bbq sandwich, funnel cake, cajun boiled peanuts and some fried pork skins.

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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A friend of mine who used to be one of the hard working under appreciated social workers for the State here in Pensacola has written a book now available on Kindle, John Jernigan’s “The Gay Road Less Traveled.” I purchased it tonight to start it, couldn’t out it down, it was so funny. Graphic, real, and hysterical, John’s writing is endearing, funny, smart and if you happen to be drinking coffee, it may shoot out of your nose at some point during one of his vignettes. You can read it on Kindle.

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