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The Gay Road Less Traveled

The Gay Road Less Traveled

Tag Archives: south Florida

Whorin’ the Cruise Lines

22 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by johnjernigan in Funny Shit, the Flaming Homosexual

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best gay blog, cruise ships, funny, gay, humor, john jernigan, perspective, point of view, South Beach Miami, south Florida, the gay road less traveled, tourism, travel

503

Hypothetically speaking, a person can make a lot of money turning tricks when the cruise ships are in port ‪#‎themoreyouknow‬ — at Port of Miami

504

505

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Free at the Flea

31 Friday Jan 2014

Tags

buy John's book on Amazon, dating, flea market, fort lauderdale, funny, gay, Haiti, humor, Jamaica, LGBT, refurbished, relationships, secondhand, south Florida, Swap Shop, wilton manors

Free at the Flea

an excerpt from my book, The Gay Road Less Traveled, available for $3.99 on Amazon’s Kindle

“Red Letter Day – Pet Shop Boys”
 
I had to seriously consider whether I wanted to post this adventure or not, but I’m already broke, jobless and soon to be homeless…screw it, ain’t no shame in my game.
Setting: The Swap Shop on Sunrise Blvd., the largest flea market in the U.S.
At this flea market, when different vendors start getting ready to leave they will start calling out “$1, everything left $1″ then “50 cents, everything 50 cents” then finally “Free, everything left free.”
Now I’m not trying to justify my actions or make excuses, but I have always shopped at thrift stores and I’m kinda thrifty myself and I have both Irish and Gypsy roots…just sayin.’
When the first vendor made his Free! Announcement, a large group of old Haitian and Jamaican women rushed in and started grabbing everything up. As did I. I jumped right in there, bumped a 70 year-old out of the way and commenced grabbing treasure: to improve my quality of life, ok? I only have me to watch out for me, ok?
This all happened at around 4 p.m. I grabbed a big cardboard box and when the next vendor closed down I was ready, snatching and grabbing and throwing whatever caught my eye in it. I had to watch my box closely though, because the women thought my stuff was the free stuff from the booths and keep trying to peruse my treasure: is John going to have to choke a bitch? Or more likely get choked out. I am sure I looked a little Gollum-ish yelling “Mine, that’s mine” My treasure, my precious.

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Jon Gruden

10 Tuesday Dec 2013

Tags

Buccaneers, Chucky, culture, ESPN, funny, gay, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, NFL, point of view, pop culture, queer, Raiders, sex, south Florida, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay

Jon Gruden65

66

99

97

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under I Love You Man

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Video

Ain’t Got No, I Got Life – DJ Supreme John Jernigan

25 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

Alabama Shakes, andre frauenstein, culture, dance music, DJ, emeli sande, fun., gay, Jeff Ralls, john jernigan, LGBT, new orleans, Nina Simone, sex, south Florida, vocal house

For Jeff Ralls, my future ex-husband

Next to Me – Emeli Sande
Carry On – Fun.
The A-Team – Ed Sheeran
Ho Hey – The Lumineers
Chasing Pavements – Adele
Lilac Wine – Nina Simone
Hold On – Alabama Shakes
Late at Night – Buffalo Tom
Somebody’s Baby – Jackson Browne
Just Like Heaven – The Cure
Somewhere Only We Know – Keane
Sunrise – Simply Red
Pandora’s Box – OMD
Blue Savannah – Ersaure
Something About You – Live Element
Con Te Partiro – Donna Summer
Just the Way You Are – Milky
Peace in the Valley – Sabrina Johnston
Point of View – DB Boulevard
Stoned in Love – Chicane
Loving You More – BT
I Got Life – Nina Simone
Call on Me – Eric Prydz
Bridge Over Troubled Water – Hannah Jones
The Gift – Way Out West
Disappear – Andre Frauenstein

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Ignorant Indigent

02 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Tags

dating, fort lauderdale, gay, humor, inspirational, john jernigan, LGBT, Pensacola, perspective, point of view, queer, south Florida

1362078343239
Seeing all of my shit out on a curb might be the catalyst needed in order for me to get my life together…notice that framed Master’s degree in the middle of my pile…

1364241553863

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I’m No Lady Man!

23 Saturday Feb 2013

Tags

culture, drag queen, gay, gay fort lauderdale, gender, humor, john jernigan, Jujubee, LGBT, Miami, sex, south Florida, wilton manors

ajjuju

I like long walks on the beach, fried chicken and big dicks – Jujubee

So when I applied for my last job they had me take a test that analyzes behavioral style, that is, a person’s manner of doing things. That was all well and good, until I got my results back and they had me listed as female 😦    I highlighted a few sentences that seemed to be trying to out me as a gay anyways…

Based on John’s responses, the report has selected general statements to provide a broad understanding of her work style. These statements identify the basic natural behavior that she brings to the job. That is, if left on her own, these statements identify HOW SHE WOULD CHOOSE TO DO THE JOB. Use the general characteristics to gain a better understanding of John’s natural behavior.

“John, as a manager, supervisor or group leader can use her people skills to build group involvement and increase participation from the group. She prefers working for a participative manager. She does her best work in this kind of environment. She projects a self-assured and self-confident image. She is approachable, affectionate and understanding. John likes feedback from her manager on how she is doing. She can be friendly with others in many situations, but primarily with groups of established friends and associates. She is sociable and enjoys the uniqueness of each human being. She can combine and balance enthusiasm and patience. She tends to trust people and may be taken advantage of because of her high trust level. John seeks popularity and social recognition. She likes to deal with people in a favorable social environment. She likes to develop people and build organizations.”

“John likes working for managers who make quick decisions. She
is good at solving problems that deal with people. Because of her trust
and willing acceptance of people, she may misjudge the abilities of
others. She is good at giving verbal and nonverbal feedback that
serves to encourage people to be open, to trust her and to see her as
receptive and helpful. John prefers not disciplining people. She may
sidestep direct disciplinary action because she wants to maintain the
friendly relationship. When she has strong feelings about a particular
problem, you should expect to hear these feelings, and they will
probably be expressed in an emotional manner. She likes to
participate in decision making.”

“John may use her time imprecisely because she likes to talk to
people. She is comfortable with most people and can be quite informal
and relaxed with them. Even when dealing with strangers, John will
attempt to put them at ease. It is important for John to use her people
skills to “facilitate” agreement between people. She tends to look at all
the things the group has in common, rather than key in on the
differences. She tends to influence people to her way of thinking by
using verbiage as compared with others who like to use reports. John
judges others by their verbal skills and warmth. She is positive in her
approach to dealing with others. She may not understand why
everyone doesn’t see life as she does! She is both a good talker and a
good listener. She usually uses many gestures when talking.“

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Video

Hold on – Alabama Shakes

21 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in My Heart

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Tags

Alabama Shakes, dating, gay, gay fort lauderdale, john jernigan, LGBT, new orleans, Pensacola, relationships, sex, south Florida

Today I was made to understand that I am never going to be reunited with my ex, who was quite possibly the love of my life. I will always love you Bobby

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Henry Czerny

19 Tuesday Feb 2013

Tags

dating, fort lauderdale, gay, Henry Czerny, john jernigan, LGBT, Pensacola, Revenge, sex, south Florida

Henry Czerny

Mrs. John Jernigan-Czerny

abh

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under I Love You Man

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Resilient or Pathetic?

19 Tuesday Feb 2013

Tags

books, flea market, fort lauderdale, gay, john jernigan, LGBT, south Florida

Resilient or Pathetic?

I had to seriously consider whether I wanted to post this adventure or not, but I’m already broke, jobless and soon to be homeless…screw it, ain’t no shame in my game.
setting: The Swap Shop on Sunrise Blvd., the largest flea market in the U.S.
When different vendors start getting ready to leave they will start calling out “$1, everything left $1” then “50 cents, everything 50 cents” then finally “Free, everything left free.”
Now I’m not trying to justify my actions or make excuses, but I have always shopped at thrift stores and I’m kinda thrifty myself and I have both Irish and Gypsy roots…just sayin.’
So when the first vendor made his Free! announcement a large group of old Haitian and Jamaican women rushed in and started grabbing everything up. So did I. I jumped right in there, bumped a 70 year-old out of the way and commenced grabbing treasure: to improve my quality of life, ok?
This was around 4 p.m., I grabbed a big cardboard box and when the next vendor closed down I was ready, throwing whatever caught my eye in it. I had to watch my box close after that, because the women thought my stuff was the free stuff from the booths and keep trying to peruse my treasure: is John gonna have to choke a bitch? Or more likely get choked out actually…
My box is full so I have to take it to my car, then hurry back with a new box. I fill my box up again and I am planning on making another trip to the car and back again for more swag…until this guy aggressively asks me for a $1. I laugh his request off by saying “You see I’m digging through this junk with you” but I’ve been momentarily brought out of my free-shit-addled-daze. I assess my situation. I’m wearing a button down Polo shirt and nice jeans. I’ve been taking pictures of this adventure with my droid. I am the only white person there. It’s dusk and getting darker with the quickness. I am in a decidedly bad neighborhood. It’s time to go, peace out
When I get home I take stock of the day’s haul…I’m rich, I got some good shit and the price was right, including:
Thirty-seven (37) Milka chocolate candy bars, nothing wrong with them that I can tell. They were next to a trash can, but they’re still in their wrappers, unopened, I’ve already eaten like ten of them, taste like Hersheys to me.
Books check ’em out: Catcher in the Rye, Brave New World, Animal Farm, White Oleander, Glass Castle, Neil Gaiman, Terry McMillan, Anne Rice, L. Frank Baum, Joseph Conrad, H.G. Wells.
Two big stacks of kid’s books, Dr. Seuss, Sesame Street and a bunch of Disney: Dumbo, Peter Pan and Wendy, The Rescuers, 101 Dalmations, Peter and the Wolf.
Two of my most favoritest books of all time: Where the Wild Things Are and Are You My Mother? (these were both a little well-loved let’s say, gently or not-so-gently used).
A pair of Spongebob slippers and a teddy bear that I gave to my babies, three washcloths and a towel, 15 plastic CD cases, a pie pan, a Canes sweatshirt and a works-fine-slightly-cracked used for my morning coffee French press completed my acquistions. Now God knows I have an addictive personality, combine that with getting good stuff free…you might find me lurking at the flea market every day, like a junkie…guess it’s better than being in a casino or bar, right? More dangerous maybe, when I was picking through the stuff I realized I could get stuck with a hepatitis needle or something, hopefully I’m up-to-date on my shots…

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Video

Sam Gordon

17 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in My Heart

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Tags

football, fort lauderdale, gay, inspirational, john jernigan, LGBT, Sam Gordon, south Florida

I originally posted this video when I started blogging in like August, but nobody saw it…she’s so awesome, I love Sam Gordon.

check out the hits she starts taking at 3:20

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Cruising Barnes and Nobles

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Tags

books, dating, fort lauderdale, gay, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, love, relationships, sex, south Florida, Valentine's Day, wilton manors

Cruising Barnes & Nobles

So I’m doing my laundry at Fabulous Coin Laundry on N Federal (yesss it’s gay). I put my clothes in the dryer and walk across the street to Barnes & Nobles. I pluck Writer’s Digest & Writer’s Yearbook from the magazine rack and have a seat. I immediately notice this guy. He’s sitting on the floor Indian-style in one of the aisles, studiously typing on his laptop. He’s very cute, 50-ish, maybe 5’7, glasses, salt & pepper hair, yes please.
Maybe he’s lonely. Maybe he’s always wanted to co-parent two wild, bad-ass furry gremlins. Maybe he’s straight?
I walk to the bathroom and give myself a once-over, and don’t like what I see. I need a haircut. I haven’t been sleeping well and my eyes look tired, plus one of them is bigger than the other (a sure sign of sleep deprivation). I don’t feel cute and I don’t have that spark or energy that I would need to walk up and loom over this guy and introduce myself out of the blue…so that ain’t happenin.’ I scribble out a note saying hello with my blog address and a request to check it out after 7 p.m. (15 minutes from now). I pace back and forth for like 5 minutes until I decide on a young mother with a sleeping toddler who’s sitting at one of the tables reading a book. “Hello there, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day would you please give that man this note from me, once I am out of the store? ” She says she will and like my idol Sweet Brown I ran up outta there. Hopefully she wasn’t homophobic and didn’t just threw the note in the trash… Cupid hook me up please.
Maybe this guy is my soulmate but he’s super shy and insecure and maybe not real comfortable with his sexuality yet and has noticed how cute I am and wants me real bad and maybe he has just adopted a little Asian baby for us and maybe he’s working on his soon-to-be published novel that will catapult us to West Hollywood and maybe he has a washer and dryer at his house and maybe he has a sweet tooth and keeps his industrial size freezer fully stocked with Ben & Jerry’s and Haagen-Dazs. Plus he’s obviously limber and spry as he is observably able to sit in the floor for long stretches, no worry about a broken hip or anything like that.
Maybe he’s sweet and patient and kind. Maybe he’s the one.

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Mr. Right

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Gift of the Magi, without a man

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Tags

dating, fort lauderdale, gay, Henry Czerny, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, Miami, relationships, sex, south Florida, Valentine's Day, wilton manors

Gift of the Magi, without a man

Let me see, it’s Valentine’s Day….I have $23 in my checking and $19 cash. I would like to be treated to a nice dinner this evening, somewhere all romantic and whatnot, please and thank you…hmm. I have to do my laundry, clean underwear being a necessity on the dating scene, so that’s $16 at le laundromat. I have to get my hair cut, the hair on the sides of my head is sticking out everywhichaway, and they are predominantly grey…no, no, gots to go, $22. In good conscious I simply cannot go out on a date with $4 in my pocket, what should I do? Clean underwear is a tenet I live by, off to the washateria, maybe I can gel my hair down or bouffant it up into a beehive or something. Now I am simply waiting for a man to ask me out on date! and come get me and pay for dinner w/dessert…and maybe roses?

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Mr. Right

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Purple Drank

08 Friday Feb 2013

Tags

culture, fort lauderdale, gay, humor, john jernigan, Justin Beiber, LGBT, lil wayne, Miami, new orleans, Purple Drank, sex, Sizzurp, south Florida, three six mafia, wilton manors

Purple Drank

$10 for a Mandrin/cranberry at the club just ain’t gettin’ it, I gots to switch it up, in that old 9th Ward tradition I’m gonna start sippin’ grape Dimetapp & Sprite. I’m not goin’ all JaMarcus Russel or Weezy i.e. codeine, but this Saturday night I’m mixin’ up a batch of purple drank, sippin’ on some sizzurp, ya heard? with some cherry and watermelon jolly ranchers cause that’s how I roll…

Ya’ll ain’t bout dis life

adime

aima asizzurop ajustin

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Video

99 Luftballoons – Nena

06 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

1980's, 99 Luftballoons Nena, gay, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, music, perspective, relationships, south Florida

I mainly have my meltdowns in grocery stores. For about a decade I would do my grocery shopping on Thursday nights, knowing my boyfriend would be coming into town on Friday. I have some small cooking skill, provided the proper tools and environment, and I would often make the effort and attempt new recipes for our Friday night meals. Some of my culinary creations were fabulous successes…some dismal failures. Now when I grocery shop there ain’t no magic a happenin’…and I’m more likely to buy the $.99 bologna than a couple of ribeyes. Today was a pretty sucky day, I had seen my true-love-who-doesn’t-want-me-and-is-in-fact-married-to-someone-else and he looked soo cute as he looked straight ahead and steadfastly ignored me as I walked by holding my stomach in because I was worried I looked fat…and Valentine’s Day is coming and I am all alone, just like New Year’s and Christmas and Thanksgiving and my birthday…so I’m wandering the aisles of le Winn-Dixie on Marina all whiny and weepy when 99 Love Balloons starts to play. I perk up, I calm down, I chill. I start to nod my head and softly sing along. I get cruised by a gay couple who are obviously intoxicated and enthralled by my raw sexual magnetism…I look them up and down, smile and shake my head slightly just once, no thank you, good day, keep it movin’, but yes you are correct I still have it, whatever “it” is. Nena has momentarily lifted my spirits, I have the energy to keep on keepin’ on for a little while longer.

Hab’ ‘nen Luftballon gefunden
Denk’ an dich und lass’ ihn fliegen

I have found a balloon…I think of you, and let it fly

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South Street Player – Who Keeps Changing Your Mind?

24 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

circuit party, culture, dance music, DJ, fatal encounters, fort lauderdale, gay, john jernigan, LGBT, Miami, relationships, south Florida, south street player, susan morabito, vocal house, wilton manors

vocals at 1:30

See girl lately I’ve been lonely seeing you
And you never come around no more
You never show your face no more
And I wonder why, babe
See girl, lately I’ve been watching you, girl
And you seem so lost, in another world
Girl it’s driving me crazy
Not knowing what’s on your mind
Talk to me, talk to me
Tell me who
Who keeps changing your mind?

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Lesbian Bitch

24 Thursday Jan 2013

Tags

boston terrier, Cricket the French Bulldog, fort lauderdale, french bulldog, gay, humor, john jernigan, Lesbian, LGBT, Miami, south Florida, Squeak the Boston Terrier

Lesbian Bitch

When I went to pick out my new baby at a kennel in rural Alabama, the owner invited me into his house and led me down into the living room. In a big baby playpen there were two litters of French bulldog puppies playing, nine puppies, all seven weeks old. There were two or three black puppies, a few brown, a light tan one, and one white puppy with a big black spot on it’s back. I noticed this puppy was slightly larger than the rest, more active…and she was not being nice to her littermates. She pounced on one of her brothers and knocked him over, then rammed the smallest puppy (the tan one) with her head, shoving her across the playpen while she squealed and cried. When the white puppy saw us she ran to the edge of the playpen and stood up, screaming and whining and imploring to be picked up, which the owner did. “That’s part of the problem right there” he said as he held her. “Every night I put the puppies to bed and they all go to sleep, except her, she screams and cries until my wife comes and gets her and puts her in the bed with us. She’s a smart little thing.”
I like to think I know a little bit about dogs, and one thing I do know is that when choosing a new puppy, you’re supposed to pick one in the middle, not the alpha or the runt. The owner hands the puppy to me. This pot-bellied little grunting pig was the boss of this pack, no doubt…I should probably choose one of the brown puppies, still…this thing is white and black, she’ll match my two Bostons, she’s female (only girls for me…dogs I mean) she’s smart…One test they advise doing with a puppy is to hold it in your arms like a baby, on it’s back with it’s belly exposed…if the puppy will stay still and be held it will likely be a good dog, because it’s secure and comfortable enough to let it’s guard down. I try this with the puppy. She is bucking and whining and going all stiff like a child that’s been punished. I try to rock her and hold her but she screams REAL loud like a hyena or something. I put her back in the playpen where she immediately pounces on one of the other puppies and lays on top of him, trying to chew on his ear. I have to have her. French Bulldogs have big ears, but they have to grow into them, this puppies’ ears are still all droopy and not standing up yet…she looks like a little cricket. Cricket.

I end up paying $2400 for my little monster (like $900 more than her siblings cost) and she is mine! I was a little worried that one of my Bostons was going to bite her when introduced, but it turned out I didn’t need to worry about her. Possum ran right up and stood over Cricket and I think assumed she would naturally be the boss, but instead of rolling over onto her stomach or crouching down Cricket gave a little scream and butted Possum square in the chest. Possum didn’t know what to do, she backed up a little and then went and jumped on the couch. Cricket followed behind her, rumbling, grunting. Cricket stood up against the couch trying to get to Possum, but she was too little and fat and uncoordinated to get up there. Possum and Squeak were both looking at me all accusatory, as if saying “What the hell?” “What is this thing you brought home?” Just like that, Cricket was the pack leader and baby alpha, at seven weeks old.

Squeak was, and is, my favorite baby. Cricket and Squeak soon became inseparable, co-dependent, a couple,right now they’re curled up asleep together on my bed. Cricket is very protective of Squeak, who is super sweet and gentle and maybe not too smart. I can’t take them to the dog park anymore. Cricket guards Squeak with such jealousy and possessiveness… and love. No dogs, males or bitches, are gonna get next to Squeak, not while the smartest, most dominant, biggest (32 pounds) greediest and butchest lesbian bitch ever is in the house…I love you, Cricket baby!

CRICKETjohn4 please... grrrrr IMG_0202 IMG_0034 IMG_0250 IMG_0257 IMG_0217 Oct 25 Meetup 333 600_10456280 rumpus2 auburn suxi'm the baby

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Posted by johnjernigan | Filed under My Heart

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Sweet Home Alabama?

23 Wednesday Jan 2013

Tags

Alabama, Charles Barkley, dating, fatal encounters, fort lauderdale, gay, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, perspective, point of view, sex, south Florida

Sweet Home Alabama?

I went to the DHR website to peruse the social work jobs…not bad. I did a lot of growing up in Birmingham, I hear it kind of calling me to come back…My decades-long unrequited love WK still lives like 5 minutes from the home I grew up in…his children are almost grown and gone, he has to be lonely and unfulfilled by now, right? Would I move somewhere based mainly on the idea of WK? who is completely in the closet as far as I can tell….plus the married guy *Mark that I am kinda in love with has proven disappointingly loyal to his wife, I can’t wait five years for him to have his mid-life crisis (me, I would be his mid-life crisis, get it)…he’s such a dainty little fella, I worry his wife might be physically abusing him or intimidating him or something…*Mark, I’m here if you need me, no means no, your body your choice, etc…

*not his real name

State of Alabama
Personnel Department
64 North Union Street
P. O. Box 304100
Montgomery, AL 36130-4100
Phone: (334) 242-3389
Fax: (334) 242-1110
http://www.personnel.alabama.gov
Continuous Announcement
SENIOR SOCIAL WORKER – 50221
Salary: $35,589.60 – $53,995.20
Revised Date: December 12, 2012
JOB INFORMATION
The Senior Social Worker is a permanent full-time position used by various agencies throughout the state. This is advanced
professional service social work. Employees in this class develop a social service plan for a difficult and complex select
caseload in child protective services, adult protective services, child and adult foster care and/or adoptions; investigate complex
abuse and neglect cases; provide immediate crisis intervention; assess need and delivery of services; arrange for clinical
services; and/or plan for nursing home care.
MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS
• Master’s degree in Social Work from a social work program accredited by the Council on Social Work Education.
• Eligibility for Licensure as issued by the Alabama Board of Social Work Examiners
ADDITIONAL REQUIREMENTS
 Licensure must be obtained within the probationary period in order to obtain permanent employment.
 Applicants must complete and submit with their applications the willingness questionnaire on the reverse side of this
announcement. Applications without the willingness questionnaire will not be accepted.
 Applicants must have available, suitable transportation.
 Per Alabama Act Number 2000-775, beginning November 1, 2000, persons who apply for child welfare jobs will be
subjected to a criminal background investigation prior to employment with the Department of Human Resources.
NOTE
 Applicants may apply for this position during their last semester of college; however, applicants will be required to submit
documentation verifying completion of the Master’s degree to the hiring agency prior to beginning work.
BENEFITS
 Low-Cost Health/Dental Insurance (Single Coverage)  Optional Family Coverage (Health/Dental)
 Accrue Thirteen Annual Leave Days per Year  Accrue Thirteen Sick Days per Year
 Thirteen Paid Holidays per Year  Retirement Plan
 Flexible Employee Benefit Plans  Optional Deferred Compensation Plans
EXAMINATION
 Open-Competitive to all applicants
 Evaluation of Training and Experience as shown on application
HOW TO APPLY
• Complete an Application for Examination Form available at http://www.personnel.alabama.gov, the above address, or any
Alabama Career Center Office.
• Apply by mail or by fax. Applications will be accepted until further notice.
THE STATE OF ALABAMA IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER
Please refer to the State Personnel Department web site or call us at (334) 242-3389 for complete information on our policy for
accepting post-secondary and advance degrees.
Applicants hired by the State of Alabama on or after January 1, 2012 will be subject to the E-Verify process
pursuant to Act No. 2011-535.
WILLINGNESS QUESTIONNAIRE FOR SENIOR SOCIAL WORKER (50221)
Are you willing and able to:
1. Work in situations where children or adults are deprived of basic living needs (ie food, shelter,
education, medical services, clothing etc.)? Yes □ No □
2. Remove children from current living situations for placement in foster care against the wishes of
the parents or legal guardians? Yes □ No □
3. View graphic physical abuse of children or adults? Yes □ No □
4. Work in high crime areas, sometimes alone? Yes □ No □
5. Use your personal vehicle to transport clients, children, supplies, or conduct visits? Yes □ No
□
6. Work with persons who are substance abusers? (alcohol and drugs) Yes □ No □
7. Work in low income housing projects sometimes alone? Yes □ No □
8. Occasionally work nights and weekends? Yes □ No □
9. Take verbal abuse without retaliating physically or verbally? Yes □ No □
10. Visually observe children, clients, or adults for physical signs of deprivation (ie clothing, hygiene, extreme
weight loss, etc)? Yes □ No □
11. Handle large case loads? Yes □ No □
12. Maintain strict confidentiality of all information to which you have access? Yes □ No □
13. Serve as a witness in court proceedings? Yes □ No □
14. Maintain very detailed case notes? Yes □ No □
15. Work in highly emotional situations and maintain composure? Yes □ No □
16. Handle a large volume of paperwork? Yes □ No □
17. Handle the pressure of meeting deadlines? Yes □ No □
Signature: ____________________________ Social Security Number: ________________________

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Image

Take My Talents to South Beach

21 Monday Jan 2013

Tags

culture, dating, fort lauderdale, gay, john jernigan, Lebron James, LGBT, Miami, Miami Heat, south Florida, wilton manors

Take My Talent to South Beach

7/8/10 LeBron James: Um, in this fall — man, this is very tough — um, in this fall I’m going to take my talents to South Beach and, um, join the Miami Heat.

That phrase is now a euphenism for masturbating…

Mark: What are you doing tomorrow?
John : I’m going to sleep in, take my talents to South Beach, and then go to work

damn I’ve been in Miami a lot!

lebron

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Video

Regina Spektor – Fidelity

21 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

fort lauderdale, gay, gay culture, john jernigan, LGBT, Miami, music, south Florida, wilton manors

I hear in my mind all these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music
And it breaks my heart

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I’m Homophobic

19 Saturday Jan 2013

Tags

dating, fatal encounters, flying monkeys, gay, gay fort lauderdale, homophobia, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, south Florida, wilton manors

I'm Homophobic

People are either beautiful or nice, and *Mark* is one of the nicest people I know.

*not his real name…

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Life Skills 101

19 Saturday Jan 2013

Tags

dating, different, fort lauderdale, gay, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, point of view, south Florida, wilton manors

Life Skills 101

My plan for the holiday weekend was to file my taxes at the Jackson Hewitt cubicle at the Pompano Walmarks and get paid $$$. Sadly, my last employer Lakeview smugly informed me that they had not even started sending W-2’s out, and here I’ve been running home to check my mail everyday!

Let me assess my situation, things are lookin’ kinda ignorant:
1. Spent $80 in Walmarks on groceries, checking account balance is -$37.00 as I miscalculated my money and Regions said please give us $36 for overdraft now, those hateful bastards
2. Car insurance just switched over to Broward from Escambia, was $70 a month, now $168. That went on my poor credit card, I do have remaining credit though…the card limit is $750…I have charged only $748.11 🙂
3. I went to my second job (Irish work ethic) but was not allowed to sell my plasma as Fatima checked and re-checked my blood pressure: 140/110 and 138/108, lower # has to be below 100.
4. I’m in something of a pickle, 1/4 tank of gas, 2 hampers of dirty clothes that need the laundromat ($18 right there)…
I could’t even ask him out on a date if I did discover Mr. Right on the interweb or out walking the dogs or at the library (not that there’s much of chance of that happenin’ anyways) and while I obviously wouldn’t want to pay for dinner I like offering to pay, I’m not the guy that turns a blind eye or runs to the restroom when the bill comes.
So it appears me and my bitches are going all reclusive this holiday, just chillin’ at the crib, watch my Ravens & Patriots, walk to the library or to the basketball courts in Riverland or Shady Banks maybe…maybe Mr. Right will be cruising around in his silver Range Rover and discover this talent…or it’s equally possible that I’ll get robbed walking around downtown or out Davie Blvd. I lead a wild, dangerous and horribly unfulfillingly life, what can I say? 3rd ward Magnolia ya heard

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Video

Gonna Make You Cry

18 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in My Heart

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Tags

American Idol, culture, different, gay fort lauderdale, inspirational, john jernigan, LGBT, music, Nicki Minaj, perspective, point of view, south Florida

Lazaro Arbos

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Video

Bridge Over Troubled Water – Hannah Jones

18 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

Bridge Over Troubled Water, circuit party, dance, DJ, favorites, fort lauderdale, gay, Hannah Jones, inspirational, john jernigan, LGBT, music, new orleans, Simon & Garfunkel, south Florida, vocal house, wilton manors

Sail on silver girl, sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine

a hannah

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Video

Young Folks – Peter, Bjorn and John

17 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

dance music, DJ, gay fort lauderdale, john jernigan, LGBT, Miami, music, pop culture, south Florida, vocal house, Young Folks

If I told you things I did before
Told you how I used to be
Would you go along with someone like me?
If you knew my story word for word
Had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?

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Ulrich Thomsen is soo pretty

17 Thursday Jan 2013

Tags

Banshee, favorites, gay fort lauderdale, john jernigan, LGBT, Miami, point of view, sex, south Florida, Ulrich Thomsen, wilton manors

Ulrich Thomsen is soo prettyaullll

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Video

Sinnerman – Nina Simone

16 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

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Tags

art, culture, favorites, Felix da Housecat, gay, gay fort lauderdale, inspirational, john jernigan, LGBT, new orleans, Nina Simone, point of view, Sinnerman, south Florida

Lilac_Wine_by_butterflywing50 nina_simone_in_ms_paint_by_3208-d2znerq music_is_a_gift_by_charletbrown-d39raxg nina_by_keepfrozenthissideup-d3djsuk Nina_Simone_09_by_Bochud Nina_Simone__s_Amaing_Lips____by_Mensaman nina_simone_by_chien4philosofique nina_simone_by_daturadatura-d4amad8 nina_simone_by_fran2010-d5orymi Nina_Simone_by_maddwitch Nina_Simone_by_resqben nina_simone_by_risa694-d5cyrm9 nina_simone_by_tesch-d40gd4c nina_simone_by_touchmyart 111111 11111111 11113 6195304_Nina-Simone Forbidden-Fruit-Nina-Simone-Album-Cover-nina-simone-16722157-1800-1800 Nina_Simone_Please_Dont_Let_Me_Be_Misunderstood images

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I Love Jim Parsons

16 Wednesday Jan 2013

Tags

Big Bang Theory, culture, dating, different, fort lauderdale, gay, gay fort lauderdale, Jim Parsons, john jernigan, LGBT, Miami, perspective, sex, south Florida, wilton manors

I Love Jim Parsons

Let’s see…I only like older men…I really like nerds…Jim Parsons is younger than me, but is smokin’ hot with his pale skin, unathletic body and nasally voice…nerd love wins, I heart Jim Parsons

ajim anerd

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Video

Static Revenger – Long Time

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

Big Beach Boutique, circuit party, dance music, DJ, Fatboy Slim, gay, gay fort lauderdale, john jernigan, LGBT, Miami, Norman Cook, south Florida, Static Revenger, vocal house, wilton manors

Fatboy Slim i.e. Norman Cook at Big Beach Boutique spinning an old Boston classic…

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Video

Spaceship – Benny Benassi n Kelis

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by johnjernigan in Music is the Answer

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Tags

Benny Benassi, circuit party, dance music, DJ, favorites, gay, gay fort lauderdale, john jernigan, Kelis, LGBT, Miami, music, south Florida, vocal house, wilton manors

Sitting on top of the world
Watching the stars go by
I got my head in a dream
Got my head in a cloud
I can fly I can fly I can fly
So get high, get high
Get high, get high
So get high, get high
Get high, get high

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Using Basketball to Catch a Man, an attempt

12 Saturday Jan 2013

Tags

adam4adam, and 1, basketball, boston terrier, dating, different, french bulldog, gay, gay fort lauderdale, humor, john jernigan, kevin mckidd, LGBT, manhunt, Miami, perspective, point of view, Ray Allen, sex, south Florida, Stephen Curry, Steve Kerr, The Daily Home, the professor, tres leches, Winterboro

Using Basketball to Catch a Man, an attempt

I would have preferred to have used one of my better basketball pics. I actually had a few good game pics from high school, from my yearbooks, and one really awesome church league shot that I laminated, that made the Talladega Daily Home…but no, all those were lost during one of our evictions…thanks mom!
When I was still living in Pensacola I perused the “dating” websites in Fort Lauderdale and Tampa and Miami, using them to help me decide where I wanted to move. In Fort Lauderdale, I found this one guy *Mark’s * pic and profile on a couple of sights…and he was (and is) adorable…to me anyway. 5’9 dark-blonde/copper red hair, glasses, slightly nerdy in a good way…picture a 50-ish Kevin McKidd with a slightly sharper nose, aww so cute…
When I got to south Florida and settled in, I quite naturally contacted *Mark via the interweb and asked him out on a date…wait, that’s not right. I might have tried to hook up in a moment of weakness, I was lonely okay? but I was ignored.
Four months pass, and I am online doing some educational research and whatnot and I come across his little smiling-face profile again…and he’s online…it’s about 1 a.m. (what can I say, I have a thirst for knowledge).
So we message back and forth and I make my grand exit, leaving him my email address and blog link and telling him I didn’t want to just sleep with him, I wanted a real date, ya heard?
So *Mark never contacts me to take me somewhere nice like Olive Garden or the Red Lobsters. Yesterday I logged into the two “dating” sites where his profile lurks and left this message:
Hey *Mark…I remember checking out your profile when I lived in New Orleans & Pensacola…and I remember messaging with you late night about a month ago, either here or a4a? I just knew you were going to email me and arrange a date, but nothin’ happened…let me give you my info again, see if something jumps off…my email is xoxoxoxoxo@yahoo.com John Jernigan my blog is johnjernigan.wordpress.com – I play ball at Hortt Park, in Shady Banks…I will be there around 11 a.m. tomorrow (Saturday) if you wanted to come check me out, play or be my cheerleader…or if you propose a meet somewhere else I’m up for that as well…holler back

So I get up this morning, take the dogs, walk them around the park, harness them to a tree, and start ballin.’ I am of course looking for Mark everywhere and I’m confident he will be there…and he is. He is sitting with a woman across the park, past the playground, on some benches. Smart move, if he wasn’t going to play ball, bringing a fig bag I’ll call her, a security blanket, is something I might have done myself. Even though my insecurity is screaming at me to put my shirt back on because I’m too fat and pale and old, I persevere, off comes the shirt, and I’m ballin’, the Professor ya heard? ** even though I only look like the Professor when I am about 20 pounds lighter than my current 150**

A group of men have just finished softball practice on the field next to us, there are 3 or 4 tween skate kids wanting to play, so I quickly divide us up and it’s crackin.’ Admittedly I am at my best, uhh I seem to do exceptionally well against inferior competition, but sucks to be them then cause today I’m trying to impress my future husband * Mark. My shot is straight money…Swish Steph Curry…Zing Ray Allen…Pop my ex-bf Steve Kerr. I am watching * Mark out of the corner of my eye the whole time and he’s not being real attentive, keeps talking to that ignorantwoman. I get loud and argue more than I would normally about Kobe’s rapin’ ass and the Lakers with the lone brother on the court, hoping * Mark will wake up and pay attention and notice how masculine and cool his future boyfriend is…but no, *Mark and the Fig go to the water fountain, then turn and geez, they are walking toward the courts. Game time. I run and grab my t-shirt and wipe my face, don’t want a shiny forehead. Wait a minute, * Mark and the Fig are holding hands! WTF!? They are like 50 yards away now…it’s not *Mark, this guy is taller and skinny and maybe 30 years old. I give them a dirty look as they walk past, they are so ignorant.
My picking-up-a-man showoff skills have dissipated. I don’t make another shot, and we soon lose. Dude asked if we wanna run another, but I say No, I’m out, I’m done. I collect my babies and leave. I stop at the Super Saver on Davie and buy a tres leches, and I eat it all as soon as I am on my bed. Well I have my two loyal, constant steady girlfriends anyway…even if they stink a little and need a bath. I curl up with Squeak nestled between my legs and Cricket on my stomach, and we fall asleep together…without *Mark.

*Mark is not his real name*

aprof snc1

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A friend of mine who used to be one of the hard working under appreciated social workers for the State here in Pensacola has written a book now available on Kindle, John Jernigan’s “The Gay Road Less Traveled.” I purchased it tonight to start it, couldn’t out it down, it was so funny. Graphic, real, and hysterical, John’s writing is endearing, funny, smart and if you happen to be drinking coffee, it may shoot out of your nose at some point during one of his vignettes. You can read it on Kindle.

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